All We Needed Was Popcorn and Maybe A Bullet-Proof Vest

Grace was feeling better today, so we took her to hear my dad  preach at the Founder’s Conference, then out to lunch at Chili’s, then shopping.  I think that was about three places too many considering her level of discontent and fussiness.  Apparently, after being cooped up for a few days getting over strep throat, she decided to make up for all her lost energy. 

Our main shopping goal this afternoon was to find my mom a new pair of jeans.  I’ve decided that it is just as easy to search for a mythical unicorn.  On a whim, we decided to look in Dots.  With the help of an overly cheerful and helpful sales clerk, mom actually found her unicorn in the form of a very hip, mid-rise, dark-wash, classic-fit, boot-cut, extra-long, slight-stretch, flap-pocket, low-priced pair of jeans.

But it wasn’t as amazing as what we witnessed in the store. 

Mom was in the dressing room while Grace and I sat in a chair and waited.  A middle-aged female customer walked in the store and immediately started giving our very friendly sales clerk some attitude about availability, size, basically anything she could find to complain (loudly) about.  Our clerk kept her cool and remained professional. 

About that time mom came out of the dressing room and I enthusiastically approved her choice of jeans.  Our sales clerk used that opportunity to get away from PMS-lady and come see mom in her jeans.  That infuriated PMS-lady.  She angrily demanded that the clerk open a dressing room for her, after telling her that she was “rude” and “inconsiderate.”

While PMS-lady was in the dressing room, the sales clerk, clearly ruffled, came up to me and asked, “Do you think that I’m rude and inconsiderate?”  No, I replied.  You’ve been very kind and helpful.  I’m thinking:  Shhhh, she can hear you in the dressing room. 

The clerk got louder.  “I can’t believe she said that to me!  I’m a positive person!”  Shhhh, she can hear you in the dressing room.

“I’m always happy!  I was so nice to her even though she was rude to me!”  Shhhh, she can hear you in the dressing room.

PMS-lady busts out of the dressing room:  “YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK NOW???  I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT ME!  WHO THE @*&^ DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?  YOU ARE SO RUDE!  YOU SHOULD BE FIRED!”  Gets in the startled clerk’s face: “$&@*# YOU!” [Storms out of the store muttering curses.]

PMS-lady actually said a lot more than that, but mom and I couldn’t remember everything…we were in a state of shock.  Grace stared wide-eyed at the whole exchange, then provided a little comic relief after the woman left.

Grace:  [shaking head] “Mama, she wasn’t using sweet words.”

No, she wasn’t.