21 Rules of This House – Rule #2

If you are recently joining me on this series, here’s a link to all 21 Rules.  And here are my thoughts on Rule #1. 

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Rule #2 – We love, honor, and pray for one another.

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This one is huge.  Basically, the first two rules are the foundation of all that follows.  We love God (Rule #1), and we love others (Rule #2). 

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”  Luke 10:27

I guess the first thing to point out is that Rule #2 is about others.  Not ourselves.  It’s a hard concept to explain in our self-obsessed society.  Instead of worrying about what others do or don’t do to make us “happy”, we should strive to put others first by looking for ways to serve each other. 

Can you imagine what a home would be like where every family member looked for ways to show love and serve?  Where we always showed respect and consideration, and prayed faithfully for each other? 

Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.  James 5:16

Webster’s Dictionary defines honor as:  “to regard or treat someone with admiration and respect.”  From a young age, we should be teaching our children to treat family members in this way.  Not just parents and other adults…but siblings as well. 

We should strive to make our home a haven from the world…a place where we speak kindly to each other, consider each other’s needs, and look for ways to show love.  What a wonderful legacy to leave our children!

Here are some practical suggestions for how to implement Rule #2:

• Insist that everyone (including parents) speak to each other kindly and respectfully.
• Nix the sarcasm.  Especially the kind that is belittles others.  (I’m surprised lightening didn’t strike when I typed this…I need to work on it.)
• Share prayer requests with each other during family devotionals and/or mealtimes.  Pray together.  Consider helping your kids keep a prayer journal.
• Recognize and reinforce kindness.
• When we sin against each other, apologize and show forgiveness.
• Don’t hold grudges. (Second lightening strike.)
• This one is OH SO IMPORTANT, and it’s for parents:  Don’t discipline in anger.  Discipline in love.  Anger and indignation have no place in a discipline situation.  Take a minute…pray…then come back and handle things calmly. 
• Make a game out of doing kind things for each other.  Secretly do something nice, then have fun guessing who did what!
• And, finally…express your love to each other.  For some people this is easy.  For some people it’s very difficult.  The bottom line is we need to hear the words “I love you.”  Children, especially, need to hear these words from their parents.  Just because you say it a lot doesn’t make it mean any less!

As always, I welcome your thoughts on this post!  The first two rules are pretty heavy.  Really, if we truly understood and obeyed the first two rules, there would be no need for Rules #3-21!

Wedding Weekend

We had a fun-filled and busy weekend, full of sweet family and friends celebrating the marriage of Cal and Claire.  Last summer, they asked Grace to be the flower girl, and Grace has been eagerly anticipating the moment ever since she realized that she would wear a princess tiara for the ceremony!

Of course, we spent quite a while explaining to her that CLAIRE AND CAL were getting married, not HER.  Whoa.  Please put on the brakes about 30 years! 

Anyway, Thursday night was Claire’s bachelorette party, and I had tons of fun making a few treats for the girls to enjoy.  Here are my wedding cake pops.  It’s white brandied cake dipped in white chocolate candy on a lollipop stick!  I couldn’t resist adding the candy pearls and tiny poinsettias.

And here’s the main cake.  It’s devil’s food with chocolate truffle filling, covered in fondant to look like a lingerie gift box!

Friday night was the rehearsal.  We took a few pictures before we left the house.  I don’t think the basket left her hand all night…she loved it.

Here she is with beautiful Claire at the rehearsal.

We took time during a break for a quick family photo.  I’m not sure what Todd and I are looking at.  We can just never seem to get a good photo, which is why nobody’s getting a Christmas card again this year.  Well, that and because I’m a terrible procrastinator.

Now it’s Saturday and we’re getting ready before the wedding.  I got dizzy after a while watching her twirl around constantly in her “princess dress” in front of the mirror.

Here she is before the ceremony with Cal, the eager groom.

Another blurry, failed attempt to get a good picture for a last-minute Christmas card.

Minutes before the wedding….

After much prayer, stress, and anxiety, I was relieved that she did great during her walk down the aisle!  She smiled, walked slowly, and threw the flowers perfectly.  She also did great with all the pictures and did everything the photographer asked her to do.  We were so thankful and happy that she enjoyed herself!

And here she is after the ceremony holding her audience captive with a highly entertaining story, I’m sure…

I’m sorry to say that I don’t have any pictures of the beautiful reception because there were no Kodak moments.  Our sweet flower girl reached her sweet and obedient limit for the day and was in no mood to dance or party.  I didn’t take pictures of anybody or anything else at the reception because I was dealing with her dramatic mood shift.   We decided to call it a night around 9:30 and go home to get her in bed after a long and exhausting day. 

What a complete pleasure it was for our family to be involved in such a wonderful, God-honoring union of two precious people.  We wish Cal and Claire many wonderful years together as they build a family of faith.

How To Go On A Date, Get Exercise, And Wear Out Your Daughter At The Same Time

Step One:  Go to Wal-Mart and buy a pink tennis racket.

Step Two:  Go to the tennis court and let your child hit the ball around for a while.

Step Three:  Tell your child that it’s time for mommy and daddy to play tennis, and her job is to be the “ball girl”. 

Step Four:  Enjoy playing tennis with your spouse while watching your daughter run to get every stray ball that you miss or over-hit.

Step Five:  Hit a few extra balls out on purpose that she must run far to catch.

Step Six:  Repeat steps four and five over and over and over.

Step Seven:  Take home an exhausted daughter and watch her literally collapse into bed for an early bedtime.

Step Eight:  Enjoy a quiet evening with your spouse.

Wedding Blessings

Last night Todd and I attended a special event for a sweet young woman who is getting married in a few weeks.  We’ve known Claire for many years and been good friends with her family.  We’ve watched her grow and mature into a beautiful woman who is eager to marry and start her own family.  This wedding is extra-special because it’s also Grace’s debut as a flower girl!

I’ve never been to an event like last night, and it was the perfect way for people who love Claire to give their blessings on her upcoming marriage.  After a time of fellowship and dessert, we gathered in a group and went around one at a time, giving words of encouragement and advice about marriage.  Claire and Cal got to hear words of wisdom from people who have been married as many as 50 years!  Then we had a brief time of prayer for the couple.

In lieu of gifts, the people who came were asked to write cards and/or letters that Claire and Cal will open and read on their 1st, 10th, and 25th wedding anniversaries.  Isn’t that a neat idea?  Todd and I had fun writing our letters together.

In a world where marriage is often treated as flippantly as buying a new car, it was truly special to see this couple treat their upcoming nuptials with such reverence and maturity.  Marriage isn’t easy, but it can be filled with joy and comfort when it’s built on a solid spiritual foundation.  I wish Claire and Cal many, many years of happiness!

Date Night

Last night Todd came home from work and asked me on a date!  Grace went to bed early since we skipped her naptime in favor of Central Market (complete with Lemon Sorbet gelato).  My parents encouraged us to go and spend some time together while they put Grace to bed, so we agreed!

We had a hard time deciding what to do…we’d already eaten dinner, we didn’t want to go to a movie because that wasn’t really interacting with each other, and my diet constrictions meant we couldn’t go get a Sydney’s Sinful Sundae from Outback.  So, we did what other middle-aged couples who haven’t been on a date in months do.  We opted for something practical and went to pick up a few back-to-school clothes for Todd. 

He’s been needing some new brown shoes, and I’ve kept my eyes out for a good deal, but I hadn’t found anything yet.  I was so proud of him because he wanted something trendy!  He’s never worn a shoe like this before and I’m glad he’s branching out. 

It’s a little bit casual for a school administrator to wear, but his school district is more relaxed and other principals enjoy wearing them.  He looked very hip and trendy this morning!  We found them at Kohl’s along with a couple of dress shirts and a new tie.  At first Todd turned his nose up at scouring the clearance racks, but after we found a very nice dress shirt that was only $7.20 and perfectly fine, he got excited! 

I have found that men are very goal-oriented in stores.  They decide ahead of time what they need, they go straight for it on a display, and they get out as soon as possible.  Basically, they order straight from the menu.  I prefer buffet-style shopping.  I have a general idea of what I want, but I’m open to whatever ends up being the best deal, and I’m not afraid of a little leg work to get there.  

All in all, it was a fun date.  And I got $10 back in Kohl’s Cash to use on my next trip!  Best of all, we avoided the “Tax-Free Weekend” crowd while taking advantage of the stocked inventory in preparation for the next few days.  Believe me, it was worth the $4 we spent on tax last night.  (And, I’m not convinced that stores don’t mark up their prices for tax-free days.)

It was also fun to be out together alone, even if it wasn’t a typical date.  That in itself is pretty rare these days!

When You Care Enough To Send The Very Best

Grace and I went to Target yesterday to buy a birthday present.  We were browsing the card section where I was trying to explain to Grace why we couldn’t buy a Hello Kitty or Barbie card for a little boy.  “But he would LOOOOVE Hello Kitty, Mama!”  This is harder to explain than you might think.  On one hand, I’m telling her that boys don’t want cute kitty cats…on the other hand I’m contradicting my often vocalized opinion that men who like (or at least tolerate) cats make better husbands.  It’s a valid theory.

Anyway, there must be something about me that invites total strangers to talk to me.  Today it was an elderly woman who asked me to help her pick out a birthday card.  She had selected several and was having difficulty choosing the best one for her 15-yr-old grandson. 

I stifled a grin as I noticed that most of the cards contained flowers, glitter, curly embellishments, or pastel colors.  “You’re buying this for your grandson?” I inquired again.  “Yes,” she said.  “They’re all so nice I just can’t pick!”  I decided to be honest.  “Well,” I said, “They’re really pretty cards, but I’m not sure that a teenage boy would like them.”  Grandma looked at me sorrowfully. 

“Have you looked in the blue section that says ‘His Birthday’?”  I asked.  [She had been looking in the general birthday section.]  I led her down the aisle and showed her the “grandson” section.  She didn’t look too excited although she thanked me kindly.

I went back to the kid’s section and finalized our card choice with Grace.  I noticed that Grandma, after looking at the masculine cards for less than a minute, moved back to the “pretty” section.  Based on what she was holding when I bid her a good afternoon, I hope that her grandson likes garden scenes.

Sweet Husband

Tonight after dinner, Todd walked in the kitchen and told me to go get a pedicure!  I haven’t had a professional pedicure in.…oh…ages!  I just don’t like to spend money on something I am perfectly capable of doing myself.  It’s a luxury, and luxuries are the first things we cut out when we decided that I would quit work and stay home with our daughter. 

But he really wanted me to do it as a reward for doing well on my diet/exercise plan over the last few months.  So I thought about it for about five seconds, grabbed my purse, and ran out the door for some blessed alone time!  I went to the little nail shop by our house that has been having a “grand opening special” for the past six years.  The ladies are really sweet and they weren’t too crowded, so I got an extra-long foot and leg massage.  Bliss!  That, my friends, is the entire reason I enjoy pedicures. 

Todd told me to take my time, so I stopped at CVS to pick up a prescription and ended up just wandering around the store, savoring a few moments of child-free browsing.  When I got home, Grace ran up to me and said, “Oh, mama, I missed you so much!”  She had red raspberry jam and peanut butter all over her face from a bedtime snack sandwich that she had begged her daddy to make.  But she had a really good time with her daddy, and it was nice of him to spend some quality time with her when he’s really busy with school work this month.  A it was nice of him to give me a little pampering!

Thanks, Todd.

Because We Always Have Deep Conversations After Reading “Cinderella.”

Grace:  “Mommy, I want to marry you tomorrow.”

Me:      “That’s sweet.  But I’m already married to daddy!”

Grace:   “Well, actually, I still want to marry you tomorrow.”

Me:       “Grace, the Bible teaches that a man and a woman get    married and start a family.  One day, hopefully you will meet a sweet man who loves God and will love you and want to get married, too.”

Grace:   “Is a man a boy?”

Me:       “Yes, a man is a boy who is all grown up.”

Grace:   “Well, I want to marry Caleb.  He’s a boy.”  [her friend that I babysit]

Me:       “You must grow up before you can get married.”

Grace:   “Can I be ‘growed’ up tomorrow?”

Me:        “No.  It takes many years to grow up and be ready to get married.”

Grace:   “But you’re ‘growed’ up.”

Me:       “Yes.  I’m grown up.”

Grace:    “That took a loooooooong time.”

Me:       [laughing]  “Yes, I’m pretty old.”

Grace:   [nodding seriously]  “Well, actually, you’re REALLY old!”

*sigh*

Flower Girl

On Sunday morning as I walked into our Sunday School class, I was greeted by a sweet smiling friend holding a beautiful bouquet of tulips (my favorite!).  She gave me the flowers and asked if I would allow Grace to be a flower girl in her upcoming wedding.  Hmmm…let me think a minute…of course! 

When I tried to explain it to Grace later, she didn’t fully understand, but she did get three major points that she was VERY excited about:

1.  She will wear a pretty dress.  (Really pretty…I saw it online!)

2.  Her hair will be curly.  (Rollers are a BIG incentive these days.)

3.  She will look like a princess.  (This was especially exciting when  the mother-of-the-bride mentioned a possible tiara).

I’ve already started praying that she won’t freak out and ruin the wedding, but I really think she’ll be okay when the time comes.  She’ll be five years old and we’ll practice a lot!

Honestly, the most exciting part of this wedding will be the sweet man and woman that are joining their lives together and starting a family of faith.  It is rare and precious to see a couple striving to honor God in every detail of preparing and planning for marriage.

I Won!

I’m so excited to win a bloggy giveaway!  Terry over at Breathing Grace hosted a giveaway of the book Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight by Sheila Wray Gregoire.  Sheila is a Christian author and frequent speaker to women’s groups and marriage conferences.  There’s been a lot of blogger buzz about this book, so I am excited to read it.  I’ll let everyone know how I liked it after I’m done! 

I also encourage you to visit Sheila’s blog To Love, Honor, and Vacuum!

Thanks again, Terry, for hosting this giveaway!

New Perspective

I read a powerful post today about what life is like for a 30-something single Christian woman. I'll admit that it stunned me. I have single Christian friends, but none so close that they share their struggles and loneliness with me. Perhaps it is difficult for older singles to feel like a married person understands their challenges.

From the time I was a little girl, I dreamed of marrying and becoming a mom. The author of the blog post has always had similar dreams. In God's infinite mercy, He has chosen to give me both desires of my heart. Becoming a mom has been a longer, harder road with lots of potholes and speed bumps. However, I have never stopped to think what it must be like for a single woman who has always had the same hopes and dreams. Not only is their dream of children not realized, but they do not have a spouse to share the burden.

I always thought that infertility and miscarriage was the hardest burden for a woman to bear. Perhaps I am wrong. The author of this post doesn't want to be pitied, but she does want people to be aware of the struggles that are specific to singleness. Some are happy being single, and some (like the author) long for husbands and children of their own. She has encouraged me to reach out and pray for my single friends and the specific challenges they may face.

Normalization of Homosexuality

While Grace and I were at the library last week, I ran across a book that I had heard of but never seen. It is called "Heather Has Two Mommies." This book is the story of a little girl who is raised by lesbian parents, and it portrays the homosexual lifestyle in a positive light. I specifically remember one of my counseling professors at Texas Woman's University praising this book for being one of the first books written to educate children on the concept of appreciating the homosexual lifestyle.

If your child attends public school, more than likely your child will be exposed to something like this at some point in their education. When I was a school counselor, I was fortunate to work with socially conservative principals who did not expect me to address acceptance of homosexuality in my guidance curricula. Other counselors I knew were not so fortunate. Counseling education programs and the psychological community are intensely devoted to normalizing homosexuality, and the best place to start is in the minds of children.

As parents we should not shy away from the subject of homosexuality with our children. The Bible certainly does not shy away from the subject, and it is our responsibility to teach our children about God's design for marriage between a man and a woman. If we don't, it can be very confusing for our children when they are constantly seeing acceptance of homosexuality in the schools, on TV, in movies, and in the general public.

This does not mean that we teach our children to hate people who practice or accept homosexuality. On the contrary, we should teach our children that everyone is to be treated with respect. However, it is important for our children to understand that homosexuality is not what God intended when he created man and woman.

I was surprised to learn that Proposition 8 passed in California last week. It seems that even in one of the most liberal states in our nation, people are not ready to accept two mommies for Heather.

Go See Fireproof!

I have really been looking forward to seeing the movie "Fireproof." And, last night I was not disappointed. What a great movie! This movie is not going to win any Oscars (especially in the acting department). But, it's the best movie I have seen in a long time. It was fun to be on a double date with Todd and our sweet friends Larry and Joy. The theater had a nice-sized crowd....we saw a few people from our church. Hollywood puts out so much trash these days, that I really encourage you to do whatever you can to go see this movie in the theater. We must show our support for good, clean movies with an inspiring message.

The main theme was the relationship between the star character (Kirk Cameron) and his wife. The power of the gospel was clearly presented as the way to eternal life, as well as the way to preserve marriage. I have heard that many of the actors volunteered their time without pay to make this movie. I am so thankful that Kirk Cameron is using his gifts and talents as an actor to make movies that promote the gospel. (See previous post on Kirk Cameron). He is married with six children, and he is very faithful to honor his marriage vows when making movies. I read that he replaced the woman that played his wife in the movie with his real-life wife in the final scene when they kissed. (I hope this doesn't ruin the movie for anyone....you HAD to know they reconciled!)

Anyway, we had a great time, and thoroughly enjoyed our evening out.

Friendship

Today I reconnected with an old high school friend that I have not seen since our graduation over 16 years ago. It's funny how friendships survive the test of time when two people share similar values. Even though we haven't seen each other in so long, we easily fell into conversations about personal and spiritual matters. I believe that God brought us together today to be an encouragement to each other.

My best friend is my husband, Todd, and I am thankful that he encourages me to maintain and make new friendships with other women. While nothing can compare to the level of sharing and emotional intimacy within a marriage, I feel that it is important for to women to have female companionship as well. Let's face it, most men just don't enjoy talking about recipes, potty training, female health issues, decorating, or fashion! I know it's a cliche, but sometimes it is nice to talk with someone who truly "understands."

I am also thankful that God has given me friendships with "more mature" women who can be a mentor to me about my roles as wife and mother. (Love you, Joy T.!) There is something to be said for talking and praying with a woman who can give wisdom and perspective to my challenges.

I want to encourage you to pick up the phone and call a friend this week. Invite her over for lunch, or meet for a playdate with your kids. Like my friend was for me today, perhaps you will be an instrument of encouragement to your friend when she needs it the most.